Psalm 56:9
H,
It has been a while. I know I
go off on these silent trips but be assured that is not my intention to go
insular. I go off on tangents and let the bad wind in. It is not that I do not
know that the height and depth of this thing we are involved in is love and
grace and overwhelming mercy. It is that I have the megalomaniac idea that
there is a way to solve it inside me and not outside my limited efforts. I forget
to believe that beyond the small mindedness of my present funk there is an
outer universe of meaning.
We all sort of get to that
unhealthy place of isolation where we think we have the better problems of the
world and come up with the only solutions dressed up in our lone ranger
costumes. This is even worse for us because we believe in that singular being
who formed and forms the universe in His mighty hand. We are not so reverent
when we approach him in the midst of a broken heart and broken dreams. We feel
more let down by Him than by ourselves. We feel we were called out to fail and
there is this dice game in the heavens where we are the pawns. If you believe,
you can truly go back to nothing else. If you have ever had the personal
experience of giving over your life to the eternity, you may walk away from the
rites and rituals but the idea will stay with you, your heart will want that
light forever and you will never be free of the questions of God in your head.
That is all fine meat but it
leads me to why I started writing to you. In the Psalm above I came upon the very
powerful idea that it is possible, maybe just, that God is on your side. I do
not mean this in the indulgent way of limited love where anything goes and a
fool is loved for his foolishness. I mean it in the much larger sense that our
faith compels us to see God as a force of good and not only the corporate good
but the individual good. It is still early days but I am munching on this idea
all week. I know it seems like it has been told before but it has not really
sunk into me as a personal and deep manifestation of the all sufficient love of
God.
In any case, it has me
writing to you again. That is a good start.
