“These Old Voices.”

 

H,

The songs we love also speak to us of the ancient things. The things that will always be. Sometimes it is not even in words. A rising note can take its place in an open heart and, somehow, alter feeling. In the most hopeless of times songs can tell us that things pass. They can bring together and elucidate the deeper things we all know exist but cannot somehow fathom.

 

I try to listen to these old voices, to find healing in the songs that offer that balm. Music has always been that for me: the expression of the human soul above the shackles that bind us to see hopelessness in a fallen earth. There is much to be hopeless about if we keep our feet on the ground. Thank God we were made to take flight.

 

There is no distinction for me. Genre is almost irrelevant. The truth of the human heart will speak. If a thing is said with the heart it will show. When the old “whiskey and guitar” god says: “I bargained for salvation/ and she gave me a lethal dose/come in, she said/I’ll give you/shelter from the storm”, I know exactly what he means. The eternal voice speaks in everything.

“A song for everything.”

 

H,

 

No one has truly gone to the depths of what music does to the human soul. We can only share the experiences we have with it. There is something about organizing instruments and sounds and words into something coherent. They create memories, make us feel things or express properly what we were really feeling, and, by sheer volume, they remind us of the power of love.

 

In those dark days, the ones I now look at as rest, music was all we had. We lived in the songs and there was a song for everything. The rain song was the main one. Mr. Purdy summed up the irony of the situation best by simply saying: I love the rain the most/when it stops.

 

What was it about that line? It felt that life was raining, and we were looking forward to when it stopped. I am not sure we got any better when it stopped but it was nice not to be wet anymore.

“The fleeting sense of being filled up.”

 

Empty cup and empty song

 

The powers that be and the things that were won

 

Through grime and cunning and honesty and money

 

The tap, the cup, the pot, the plate

 

Trying to fill up this uneven soul

 

With this fleeting sense of being filled up

 

 

 

The hunger, the lust, the power, the wrath

 

The idea of winning

 

This wrestling with the unseen angles and angels

 

To gain a name that might be forgotten

 

To go back home a little bit wiser

 

The road has not been the road less travelled

 

Yet it has been the greatest teacher:

This fleeting sense of being filled up

 

Tells us that there is always more

 

 

 

“Keeping Your Voice Up.”

 

E,

You seem unable to hide your opinions or not ask your questions. This is mostly a good thing and you should always keep your voice up. The only exception, to everything, is the context of love. I do not mean the complex web of feelings but the ordinary sense of treating people with the respect and dignity their inherent value demands. It is not enough to speak your mind. Your mind can be wrong. You must talk to spread light.

 

Your voice is important, but it is being refined. Knowing who you are is also knowing the bile that can be in you and the anger and the wrong. You voice is not the voice of God. Be humble enough to know this, to search your own heart and ask yourself what your voice is doing in the world.

 

Still, in all the refining, remember that you do have a voice. Original thought is always from God. We are merely cut off from source and so there are other things in the water. Your voice, in refinement, can be the voice of God. Let the change happen. But remember you are worthy of all your opinions.

“Loving Now.”

 

H,

We only have the present. There is nothing else we have to actually take hold of. We can plan for the future, but we only live in the present. And that becomes the problem: we always forget to love the now. The past is full of nostalgia and the future is full of hope. The present is always the challenge.

 

Yet, the present is more important than the past or the future. The past cannot be fixed, and the future cannot be touched. Now, always now, is the time of our salvation. This is what we can redeem. Here is where our choices lie. We have to learn not only how to live in the now but how to embrace it and love it and find the joy in it.

 

Loving the now is integral to resolving the past and shaping the future.

“You have yourself.”

 

H,

It is possible and now desirable that we get comfortable in our own skin. You only have yourself. As the poet said: all that you have is your soul. It is important that you spend some time tending to it. We cannot ignore the deep cuts and woolly nature of our hurts. There might not be an easy resolution, but at least let us admit that we are wounded.

 

If we are too easy on ourselves, if we let things slide and let forgiveness reign over our foibles, then we must remember to give this same levity to others. We must remember to give this same grace to others. This will tell us much about our own behaviour. There is nothing that can teach us more about our conduct than being on the receiving end of the same darn thing. When we have to forgive these high crimes from others, we will learn the high cost of our own insolence.

 

Yet, let us remember, again, that we are only captains of this ship we call a soul. Our choices are ours alone and their consequences must be seen in the light of this: we must take responsibility for our conduct. Grace allows us to realize this, to learn this in the light and to become the sort of people we would like to love.

 

“Dealing with Grief.”

 

H,

 

I keep running away from my grief. I do not want to process it. Of course, I have the usual line I sell to myself: life on earth is temporal and the life to come is more important. I believe this and I know this is true. Yet, when I say it in this tone, I do not mean the eventual resolution of things. I am not trying to resolve anything. I am on the run.

 

Sometimes, when I am driving, I talk to the empty seat next to me. It is after some memory has bubbled up and I have something to say to someone who is not here anymore. It is the only way I deal with grief, and for a few moments, I am aware of them and I think of them and there is an eternal line running through it. I am smiling more than I am crying.

 

I am not sure there is one way to deal with grief. There are probably a thousand ways. We do not want to think of this. We are wiser when grief is happening to someone else. This wisdom, actually, is mostly the art of saying stupid things. In every instance, our grief and the grief of others, there is nothing better to do than give time and space and love. To ourselves, and to others.

“It will come around.”

 

H,

We cannot escape the truth: life is horrible on a daily basis for a lot of people. Too many. Life is also less than ideal for the majority of people on earth. This has nothing to do with modern life or ancient life. When you fix the things on top, the things beneath will begin to show. When you fix the material condition of the world, the spiritual condition of the world will become much louder.

 

It is like reality is this joke: fake obstacles put in our way, so we never look at the deeper things. The rat race so we never pause and ponder, ambition so we never listen to each other and sex on a pedestal, so we never look in love or act in love or make love with love. The lesson may come around but let us hope it is not too late.

 

It will not be late in eternity, but it may be late to live this life on earth a little bit fuller. We might waste our whole lives following these smoke signals that lead nowhere. I have a feeling that regret will mean nothing in the reality to come, but why suffer now? It is not enough to say, “it will all come around” when it is here right now.

“There is Nothing to Fear.”

 

Z,

 

The world is not a safe place for most people. Yet, there is nothing to fear. The things in the hot air balloon around all modern life may be able to crush the body or injure the spirit, but they are not permanent. They will fade in time and their power runs down and not up. There is nothing to fear out there, it will not outlast you, eternal soul.

 

So, we can do anything. We have been told this. We can become ourselves and that is enough to change the nature of the world. There is a light in you that present reality seeks to dim. This attempt to dim you comes in many forms. Information is presented as overwhelming, right and wrong are presented as relative and immediate gratification is presented as winning. Avoid all theses lies.

 

Remember the truth about yourself. You are a creature of the light made in the image of God. There is creation in your heart and re-creation also. This has nothing to do with pigment or shape but with soul and heart. Deep inside your being are all the secrets of the universe. Please, share.

“In the dark.”

 

H,

“In the dark.”

 

There is only one place the light inside you is made for: the darkness. Our light is only to shine in the dark. There is no other reason for it, externally. Being in the light will change your own life but it is not meant for only that. It is not complete until it does something to the world around you. It is not fulfilled until you put it into the world.

 

We always think of standing out as a call to stardom. It is a call to service. The divine conspiracy is not to make you a star but to make you part of the sun. It is about redemption for everybody. There will be no celebrities in heaven, no separations, no class systems, and no real heroes. It is simply being who you are made to be.

 

Yet, being who you are will change the world.

“To all who suffer”

 

H,

We are not here to sit out the intervening years between pain and glory. There would be no point to this whole enterprise if we were. After we have seen God, we are slowly to become like Him. There is no other path to take. We are to bear the light side of the divine burden and work in the enlightenment of His ways. We are made to be like this. We were always going to be disciples of the light.

 

We are called to all who suffer. To the poor, the brokenhearted, the widow, the orphan, the homeless and the despised. God is not interested in superstars. The gospel is stronger than the appearance we try to put on it to make it palatable. It reaches to the soul. It cuts through spirit and flesh. It has moved men and women for millennia by simply being itself. It does not need our colouring or our facade. It simply needs our open hearts and willing hands.

 

What do we have to offer all that suffer? All our effort and all our time, wherever we are planted. We are trees of God and candles and reeds and swords and disciples and apostles and followers and leaders, all in the light. We must remember this again. We are made to do different things with one aim: to be the light that shines brightest in the dark and the darkness cannot overcome it. The world has choked the seed, but this is fertile ground. The lord will work on the weed and tares. He knows we also suffer. He has put our healing in loving others, as well. We are sent out to be who we really are to everyone we meet. It is time to remember this, again, and act accordingly.

“Mistakes are not death.”

 

E,

There is this parental obsession with keeping children away from mistakes. I know there is a reason for this. We do not want you to feel pain or do something irreversible. On the later point, nothing is really irreversible, but some things are harder to bounce back from. We want to spare you all that trouble. And I am not sure we, as parents, will ever get off that pointless pedestal.

 

We need to really learn that mistakes are not death. They are just errors in judgment and the worst of them will be resolved in eternity. These things do not last forever. This is not licence to do as you like but the permit grace gives us that says we can recover from anything. There is never any need to sit on the floor and believe any verdict and any act or word or situation is the end of you. You are endless. Act accordingly.

 

 

“Limited Dreams About Yourself.”

 

H,

There is not a dream your mind can think up, that will appease the eternally wondrous person you were made to be. All our dreams are limited. All our wishes are rumblings. They are not fulfilled. They are not full. They are not everything we could possibly be. We see in figments and never the whole picture.

 

This is the problem: the limited can seem limitless. If you are born in a certain economic bracket, income becomes important and seems like a mountain to climb. If you are born to a high achieving family, leaving a mark becomes essential. We take our identity and drive from the circumstances around us and put on that garb, the idea that we must achieve these heights, or we do not live a life of purpose and meaning. We equate the rat race, the run to the finish, the imaginary ledgers of the world and the idea of “records” or “milestones” with eternal value.

 

Nothing we do on earth will be remembered forever. It is character that lives forever, not action. Some acts show character and some acts build character, but the discipline is not the point of mastering life. Life is always the point. It is like saying the training wheels on a bicycle are the most important thing or the bicycle is the most important thing. It is merely a means of transportation. You will enjoy the journey but going home is the more essential part.

 

 

“Pushing against pre-destination.”

 

H,

 

The biggest lie out there is this: we cannot be better than we are fated to be. It is the way we call moods destiny, and inclinations destiny, and likes destiny and how we are born, destiny. We crown all these things king and mix up the idea of being who we are in eternity to being who we are now, in this moment and for this time. We are not yet in the shape of God. This is what these damn exercises are about.

 

The whispers are the counterpoint to this grand idea. We need to push against it. We cannot accept this; we cannot go gently into the night. We must always look up and never down, forward, and very rarely backward.  We are not made to be only what our imagination can dig up. We are made in the mind of God.

 

This is why all these prescriptions for greatness are pointless at the end. The ones we find in books and flyers and books that should really be flyers. There is nothing there for us, but the old song remixed as the new stuff. It is man or woman telling woman or man what he or she can be. There is something more wonderful on the horizon. The truth of who we are in the fullness of time and eternity.

 

“Resolve.”

 

H,

 

I keep having these dreams about my childhood home. I do not know what this means. The past is always an unresolved mist. It colours so much of what we are dealing with today. The past is this whisper in your ear that keeps saying you cannot be different, that you are predestined to be this and only this. It is something to resolve in order to grow.

 

We are frequently being told to forget the past and not resolve it. This is a mistake. We cannot really move forward if we do not take the right steps away from the past. We cannot run from it. It will catch up. We must let it wash over us and emerge from it with our souls intact. This will not come easy. This is a lifetime of reflection. This is a lifetime of living in the light.

 

And resolution is not about anyone else. It is solely about you. Sometimes times it is acceptance, other times it is forgiveness, but it is always about perspective. It is about learning to see things in the light.

“The Country Inside and the Country Outside.”

 

H,

 

We always seem to be in two wars: one with the country inside and one with the one outside. We are battling with the troubles in our heart and the troubles around us. It is important that we win both but only one is truly up to us. We can make the right choices to open our heart to change and we can create a platform that gives other choices to the country we intend to serve. We do not control either outcome but only one is directly linked to our own choices.

 

It is important to know this distinction. Your heart comes first not out of selfishness but out of necessity. Out of the fixing of your own heart will flow everything else you have to give to the world. This does not mean we will “fix” all there is before we approach any external troubles. That will mean a lifetime of inertia. This means we need to be on the path of healing before we speak about healing. It means we must dwell in the light before we try to be a light. It means that we must be on the right road before we attempt to fashion a path for others.

 

I think we are, hiccups allowing. We gave in to something years ago that will always carry us home. We are not able to break free from our own freedom. We will live and die in this light. Nothing tastes and feels like it. Nothing compares to it. We remember it at our darkest moments, and we fall back to it once we hit the inevitable brick wall. What our country needs most is more creatures of the light. There are many like us: beyond gender, religion, creed, or ideology, who want to see things work for everyone. This is our family. These are the warriors that speak the things that are not as if they are and approach the dark with the healing, they themselves are experiencing. The country inside and the country outside will eventually align.

“Place of Birth.”

Z,

I hope you know that you were born in love. I know it is easier to be born in some countries than in others in terms of material opportunity. That is one level of being, but the other, deeper, and more useful level, is to be born into love. The place of your birth will always matter.

 

It is important to feel love.  There is a need in all of us to be accepted, to be understood, to be vulnerable and safe. It is my aim and hope that you always feel this way. It is the best environment we can give you. The growth of the soul is the most important part of growing up. You can always learn a skill, become proficient at making a living, and structure the life you are expected to live. I hope you go for more. I hope you are always on the path of healing your own version of the broken soul.

 

All of that is to come. You are here right now, and this is all that matters. You will have none of these present memories in your head, but I hope you always carry the love around you in your heart. To paraphrase the great singer, it was in love you were created and in love is how I hope you die.

“My Country.”

H,

We live in this country and so we are affected by it. We are planted here to grow and become more like our eternal selves. This context is important. It means something. We are in the specific venue of most of our life so far. And we are drawn to it, we encounter its problems and live in the midst of its challenges. We cannot live in silos. Faith is about engagement. Knowing God means loving people. And being a light means standing up in these dark rooms.

 

Our country is people. It is not just some land on the map. It is human beings like us striving to be better and to carve meaning out of chaos. The answers are not in us. Many times, the answer is through us. We are these beacons, moons, translucent shards of brokenness and carriers of this divine light. Being vulnerable will always be more important than being right. Which is good because we are very rarely right about anything.

 

Our country will always be each other. The lines will fade, race will be obsolete, time will turn all of us more alike than we are now, and these bodies will mesh into nothingness. We will remain beings, beyond country and ethnicity and race and ideology and gender and affiliations. What is eternal is that we belong to each other.  

 

 

“Governing for God.”

H,

 

It is a massive mistake to put God in the middle of secular governance. It has done no good in the world. It has led to wars and oppression and death and vice. It has merged church and state in ways that should never occur. The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness there of, but also, you must always pay Caesar in coin and God, with your heart. None of those are really transactions. Jesus Christ himself was separating Church and State.

 

We are not here to govern for God. The individual soul is His pursuit. The relationship of the state and citizen only concerns deity as it refers to the individual’s personal growth. The believer can thrive in any system. His or her heart is the seat of the divine government that rules over the whole universe.

 

We should not govern for God. We are not made to own or use the hearts of others. This is not our sphere of influence or our purpose. Nations use words like “patriotism”, “honour” and “duty” to make wars happen and give meaning to poignant deaths in sacrifice to protecting parcels of land that will not matter in the context of eternity. The only country we should protect is each other. The only reason for death is as an entry to eternal life. The only government that will endure for all time is the Kingdom of love.

“Nations.”

H,

There is this general and dangerous stroke used to paint everything with God.  It makes God petty, partisan, and political. They are actually none of these things. We see nations as countries, God sees nations as people. Each person, each individual is a nation by herself or himself.  The concern of the divine is that we are all aware and living out our worth in the most joyous way possible. Endless delight is what God is calling us to.

 

This does not mean the nation-state does not exist. Delusion is not a fruit of the spirit. We live within the context of countries with political boundaries and identities. These are real things we come up against in birth certificates, passports, civil rights, laws, and all the facets of our modern life as is presently constructed. We cannot deny this. The position we must take is that these things only serve to help or hinder the individual. The quest is still for the human soul. The idea is still to take every single human being as vital to the purposes and plans of God.

 

This is how we must look at policy, politics, and governance.  There are things that can help all of us grow: education, a sense of community, human rights, economic opportunity, justice, and a social safety net that is progressive and not retrogressive. There are also things that do not help at all: racism, ethnicism, unfair economic systems, lack of social services, lack of basic human freedoms and closed political systems. When we are to decide what is the best way to approach these flawed systems of present earth, we must look to systems that make all of us better nations within this context. They may not save the soul, but they make it more likely to look toward the light than the dark. They may not fulfil the heart but, even in their failure, they make us look for the eternity in everything.