“In Character.”

 

H,

We cannot escape it. In the end it will be more about character than anything else. We will live or die on who we are and not who we say we are. There is a tag that comes along with the very idea of being in character. It is mostly the face we put on the soul. We are constantly told to act right above anything else, to put that foot forward that carries no dust and to be an example to others, who are behind us, on how to move forward.

 

 This is also all, mostly, bunkum. Character is about who you are. It is not about intention or projection or helping this “lesser” humans with our fake wands of salted wisdom. Who we are in the now may not be good or good enough, but we have to own up to that as well. Character begins with honesty. And when we are open to the light, everything can happen.

“Practical Life.”

Z,

Of course, many things we do are just practical. We are constantly “giving to Caesar what is Caesar’s”. We live here now, and we must do some of the work that living here demands. We grow old enough to finish school and then find a trade or a business or a job to provide for ourselves and those under our care. We learn to live better with our bodies, to take the right medicine and to maximize our moments on earth with joy and happiness as well as with sadness and tragedy. We experience everything and for us, some of us on this side of the planet, it comes with the extra heft of history and the less endearing angles of the nation-state premise. I will not keep boring you with that though.

 

The other side of that, hehehe, coin is this: “we give to God what is God’s”. Ourselves. In the real sense of the word, this is home. We came from the creator and will return there. We live our life on earth in expectation that there is more than the practical to look forward to. We expect the sublime, the transcendent, the powerful and the transformative to shape us and all of the reality to come. The practical life is merely a ship taking us to the home where we will forever be.

“The Poor and the poor.”

D,

You always ask me about the reported speech of Christ: “the poor you will have with you always.” You seem to think it is an argument against my more leftist tendencies. You have a couple of Uncles that will agree with you. They see it as a call to the material nature of present earth. The poor will be poor, and the rich will be rich and the Christian, poor is spirit but rich in means, should be generous. Poverty is almost destiny or a mindset or an ability to tithe or a misunderstanding of certain spiritual principles.

 

I see the statement as a challenge. He knew what Judas meant. He knew the concern was not the poor. He is realigning all who would hear not to ignore the problems of the world. No act of worship will stop that duty of care. No disciple with loose pockets takes always from our agenda to look to and for the good of every person we encounter. We are called to the poor in spirit and the poor in pockets too. We are both and are in both. We are called to each other.

 

 

“Into the White.”

E,

There is no timeframe on grace, and we must not be in a hurry to fix eternal things with temporal tools but also, we are on a journey somewhere. There is so much grey in life and most of it is inside us, but we are walking into the white. We know that there is such a thing as truth. We know that shadows end. We know that we must take that journey to our real nature and our true state. The rest is waiting.

 

This is beyond just picking a religion or a faith or a set of beliefs to live by. This is the way we address the infinite. They way we think of all created things. The way we move and are moved in God. It is about the way we actually live, in our hearts and at the seat of our very souls. We will know the mystery when we are done. We will see what lies beyond the Rubicon. Our hearts in white will be ready for it then. Now, we see it in opposition to people and things. We regard it to be right and others wrong. Then, it will not matter. We will be in the thing itself. Everyone will be wrong. We see only the shadows. Then, everyone will be right. There will be no more shadows.

 

“Get up but not so fast.”

E,

There is nothing no real hurry to the truth. I know we are constantly being told by charlatans and preachers about impending kingdoms and divine timelines. If the goal is eternal, then the steps cannot be impacted by temporal time. We are not on a human clock. There is always something much more infinite going on. There is no timeframe for the healing of the fractured human soul. God will get to it in time. Or, better said, in timelessness.

 

You can get up not so fast. You can spend all the time you need inside your own soul. The world may push and press, but it has no alarm for your real life. Modernity and the wheels of ever-present fortune press on us with the idea that we need to spin value as fast as we possibly can. The true state of our universe tells us something different. The press of present life might give the illusion that we must always run at full speed, or we will not make any impact on the things we believe in, but this is not true at all. In fact, speed and anxiety add nothing to the things that really matter. We must learn to slow the pulse down to the rhythm of God. We must learn to wait for the hand to pick us up from that storied ground we lie on. We will get up, for sure, but not so fast.

“Rock Bottom.”

E,

We cannot be afraid of the rock bottom. It is where all miracles begin. The light does not work for those under a lamp. They are not ready for the thing it promises yet. They are content with being a little better and not their best selves. I should stop saying “they”. I mean us. In the little compartments and bit parts that make up our life on earth, we want to slink by in as much comfort and care and consolation as the lamp will offer. Yet, in our hearts the sun is always rising. We always dreaming of that other country.

 

It always comes when we have nothing left in us to fight it. It is the herald within every disappointment: the lost lover, the grief of loss, the opportunity missed or the tragedy in full swing. It is there that our humanity settles on the sparks of light around us. On the floor we might no longer struggle to look at the stars. And when we think of the infinite vastness of the universe itself, in all its glory, we know that the lamp of single room will never be enough.

 

“The calm inside.”

Z,

There are storms all around. There is also the calm inside. Life can fold against you and make the mundane seem sacred and the sacred seem profane. It is loud and brash and unrelenting, at points. Still, you are on solid ground.  You must look at life with those forever eyes. It is not automatic to see it this way, but it is important to look at the full story.

 

The things outside will always seem defining. They are not. Your heart is where the stuff is. It is the stuff that forever is made of. You will always be fine. You will always be found. There is nothing to fear. I do not promise that there will be no fire and brimstone or chaos or disorder on the outside. I know you can always find and live in the calm inside.

“Power to the Person.”

 

D,

The world can make you seem powerless. You are not.  It can reduce you to a number or a measure of value controlled by a market that never ends. You are much more than that. The power is always in the person. You might not be able to control the world, that fading edifice, but you have control over your own soul.

 

This might seem like scant consolation, but it is much more than that. It is the true state of things. The things that are on top of the pile now are as transient as the things that were a thousand years ago. The frame of our reference for all existence tells us we are much more than carbon and though the final sun might die, and the earth might fade before all that, the things inside you are as eternal as your own metaphorical heart. That being is more powerful than anything you can presently see.

 

 

“No Heroes or Mentors Here.”

 

E,

I have often mocked the idea of mentorship. I do not know why. It is not something I have had any real respect for in the real world. A seminal or central figure has never been as vital to the way I think or live as the circle of friends and family that exist in my real life. I have a natural aversion for formal structure in relationships and I suspect, learning from the experiences of anyone, probative as it may be in general, is not as useful as it is made out to be. No hero or mentor can fill the real things before you in your day to day.

 

This does not mean we disparage anyone or their grand advice. It means we remember everyone is painfully human and we learn from each other and not down on each other. There is an equality to the human experience. There are no heroes or mentors here. Just people who will learn, though failing, humility and through that, better versions of being.

"Opening up.”

  

M,

It is hard for me to say how I really feel about anything. I have lived too long in my own head. The things I do to solve my own angst are secretive not out of guilt but out of shame. I am already wired to be ashamed of my own thoughts and my own solutions. My soul seems fractured in a way that I cannot easily explain or reveal. I am only learning, now, not to hate myself.

 

I say often, as a joke or as a prayer, that everything is forgivable between us. I do mean it on my side. It brings no obligation to you. The human soul is deep and deeply troubled. I want to get into all of it. I want to find out all the things closed in my own mind and heart and open those places to the light. I am not just talking about what I do but the why I do these things I am not just talking about flaws and sins but seemingly good acts and reactions. I am opening it all up. I hope you want to share that with me as well.

 

 

 

“Hard things.”

 

H,

We cannot tell how long the transformation of the soul will take. I am beginning to suspect it will take our whole lives. I think the lifelong trajectory is only meant to give us one thing: the solid foundation of our choices. We are not here to learn how to live in the light perfectly but how much we need the light to live at all. We are here for the hard things of being human as our lesson on becoming eternal.

It occurred to me, while talking about this to someone else, that we get caught up in things like “calling” and “purpose” and that we think the fruits and the gifts of the spirit are a support system for the former phrases, the road we walk on to do something great on earth. I believe we have this backwards.  The road we travel, the things we do are just the way we learn to rely on the higher things of the spirit to make meaning out of all life, not just our sojourn on earth. We are not here to do anything but to be who we are. The effect of that on earth is incidental and temporary. The impact of our renewed soul on everything that exists is eternal.

“To the Finish.”

 Z,

I always imagine that death is much like being born. We will be unaware. It will come upon us like a word we hear in an echo, then a final cry and then the end of the things before but not the things ahead of us. I have always had this idea of how I would go. You would find me in bed, sleeping away the afternoon and then just away. Your mother hates it when I say this. This is the best-case scenario. But that is enough of the morbid: how are you?

 

I have always had a dissatisfaction with living on earth. I hope I have not passed this on to you and your siblings. I want to be honest but not burdensome. I have also had furious joy in things, in being in love, in having children, in fighting for the things that I believe in, in having great friends, in tea and in writing as an end in itself. At the finish line, I hope I feel this way. I hope I see your own joy in your eyes. I hope you can share it with me. I have a lot of weight to put down. I have a lot of things that I cannot carry to the finish. Yet, I am not impatient. Step by step, day by day, the faith over the fear, the love over the law of things and the life with you and our family over the transient pleasures of being anywhere else.

 

“Of Heartbreak.”

 D,

I am sure it makes no sense to you, in the moment, to tell you it will all pass. That is clear enough. Depending on where you are in the healing process, every word I say will be counted against what you believe, and I might make you withdraw or come forward more so I can see you in all your heartbreak glory. Still, you know how you feel, and I will not feign to understand the peculiar and particular colour of your loss. It is enough that you are hurt. That I can speak to.

 

I know you are strong, but no one is strong enough to be unaffected by their dreams going off the rails. You put your hope in something and it did not become the fire you imagined. There is no shame in this. There is no guilt to be had. Whatever you think you did, you are human and that means you are not expected to be perfect by anyone but yourself. Go through the process, let the thing hand around you a bit and be moody. Listen to all that sad music and feel sorry for yourself. There is nothing wrong with any of that. Remember that you are loved. You are not a moment. You are a beautiful soul approaching the infinite. I love you and I cannot wait to talk to you again, face to face. These hard things you feel today are strong but temporary. I have tea. Tell me all about it.

“Pace.”

E,

Your enthusiasm for learning has always been your great gift. Yet, a gift is barely half the story. There are things that always rise above the gift. A gift is wasted on a restless soul. Well, perhaps that is harsh. Nothing is truly wasted on anything. It is not ideal to have a gift and nothing else. It simply does not work. You will have to pace yourself. You will have to learn to be patient with your own soul.

 

The gift is a thing you will shape and move and refine and make better as you learn to use it for some higher purpose. A higher purpose is anything bigger than your own advancement. It is in you to share. That giving is the great fruit of the spirit. The idea that character is formed in not just what you give but how you give. Our lives are these transient things that find shape and form in eternal ideals. Giving is the ultimate one. It gives pace to the great need for pointless speed. It is the ground we plant it and the fruit we reap.

“Up Against It, but all for it.”

 M,

We truly are up against it. The love poems and epic plays and declarations of eternal love do not prepare the human heart for the drudgery that is the daily life of love. In many ways, it begins to feel like decay. There is something missing in the great fountain that we expect it to be. We think of it as living and flowing water, but it slowly becomes this still thing. It has nowhere else to go but inside. And this is where the fun begins.

 

For many, the magic at the start is the only thing that matters. A trick is always an exciting thing to see. Yet, the real jewels lie in discovering what makes the trick work. The illusion does not work forever. It will add no wisdom to you. It will not make your mind or your heart richer. It is on the surface and will go no deeper. The beauty is in the pieces to be uncovered, the real human being that lies behind the façade of early love. It is a horror to discover that this person you met at the start will be the person you love in the end. It takes an adjustment. Then you read that sentence again: it is a delight and a joy that the person, not figment or imagination or aspirational agent, you met at the start will love you in the end. This is the final defeat of entropy. Something sure is here to stay. It is not inertia but grounding. It is not stillness but eternity. You are not up against it after all but all for it and this, forever.

 

“Starting Over.”

 

H,

The fear is always that you cannot go at it again. There is this underpinning notion that you only have one shot at everything. The flawed logic of catchy Eminem songs aside, no one takes their first stab at anything worthwhile with much success. Life is much more managing failure than dwelling in success. We are always trying things to learn, through defeat, the most intelligent ways to succeed. This is the human lot; to create in chaos and learn not just the truth of the thing but the lies that push away from what will forever be.

 

There should be no fear of starting over. We are always essentially doing this, in some way or the other. We know the whole story. We are finding ourselves in the details. We are learning who we were always meant to be. There is no home on earth for a true pilgrim. The experiences we go through are just touchstones for the divine nature of everything. The temporal nature of this life we pursue is a pointer to transience and, later, transformation. We are always becoming better than we are today. We do not need a speech or a mentor or a guide to tell us this. Success and failure are not destinations; they are points on the same road. We are on a voyage to become the sort of people and live in the sort of place where all failure is ended and impossible.