“Fear & Fighting.”

 

 

H,

 

It is easier to not fight the dark. There is a way the world works, and it is, despite all cosmetics to the contrary, reticent to change. Our worldview puts this on the great fall; the madness and sadness of our separation from God. The veneer that sits around the world as possibility for all wrapped around a hard and corrupt shell that limits progress, protects systems and makes equality a daily fight.

 

We ought to speak up against the dark in any room we are in but there is also fear. Fear keeps us from standing out, from not signing away bits of ourselves to simply fit in and from being who we truly are. It feeds our obsession for outcomes. Yet, we already know the outcome. The night is fading, the day is coming. The change needed is in us. The world is going to change by judgement. We must change by love.

 

There is nothing to fear, we are told. We are lights, candles, arrows, sons, and daughters of the creator of everything. We are on earth to remember all of this and remember our eternal nature. These daily dark spots should not rob us of that glorious light. Standing up is not easy. These words will not do the standing for us. But the other part is much more difficult. It will dim this light in us that has eternity in its brightness.

“It is enough that you are yourself.”

 

 

H,

 

I keep having this problem with how we play the deserve game. It is enough that we are human. The idea that the answer to any form of discrimination is to be excellent in your personal conduct so you can usurp the ignorant, is a problem in itself. It is like we need to justify our existence to the hateful. We do not. It is not for them to inspire us or to light our fire. We do a disservice to equality when we tie it to achievement. We are equal ab initio. We have inalienable rights from the moment we are born. It doesn’t matter if we can sing, dance, run fast, jump high, read a book, or have the right anatomy. The respect for human life and dignity cannot be utilitarian. It has to be automatic.

 

It is enough that you are yourself. It is enough that you exist. The rest, what you make of your life in a grander sense, does not affirm or disaffirm your inherent value. We do ourselves a disservice by tying ourselves to the standards of a fallen world. We are here to be ourselves. We do not run this race to find meaning in transient stories of victory. It could well be that all victories on earth are pyrrhic in the end.

 

I feel I should clarify that this is not a diss on achievements or goals or striving to do our best in any walk of life. It is a diss on tying meaning to outcomes we cannot possibly control. We are called to live in the deep. These shallow waters have nothing to offer us. They do not speak to our spiritual journey in any lasting way. Ours is the fullness of the earth. Not the dregs. The fullness to come. Amen.

“The Rats and the Race.”

 

H,

 

It has been a minute. I would like to say that I was busy doing something grand or worthwhile, but everything can seem like that if we want it to. Most of the time, I fear, I am just engaged in the rat race. I am just trying to leave some indelible mark on sand near an ocean. I am the captain of futility, and the major of despair.

 

I have always said I hate the feeling of living on earth, the glare of the sun, the hopelessness of the darkest spots and the effort it takes to not go mad as we roll boulders up slanted mountains. I have this lie I tell myself, and like the best lies there is some truth there, about being a pilgrim upon the earth. My version of events, however, is more about giving up than remembering the face of heaven.

 

I am always trying to remember to stay awake and not slide into the rhythm of things. In this season of lent, a lot of stories about Jesus are in the ether for me. I am reading through Mark, somewhat haphazardly. You encounter this active Jesus, living and breathing and doing good. There is not a hint of conformity or compromise in him. I think of this a lot. Is this the model we are following? We know the end of the story. Why do we act like we are making it up as we go along?

 

It comes down to this: we go on and on about how the perfect metaphor for living as the world is being a rat on a wheel. We run and the wheel spins, but we do not go anywhere. We say the rats have to stop being on the wheel. We then say there is a rat race going on and we must not be part of it. We say we do not want any part of the wheel or the race. But we then we go out and act like rats on a wheel in a pointless race. We say no to the rat race and then whisper: “let us be rats.” To be accepted, understood, ‘loved’ and celebrated, we make the ultimate compromise. We act like the things we are re-made to end. We must learn to disconnect. We must learn to not be rats.