Aweikinin 12/12/2014

From Psalm 15:1-5

H,

Waking up to the sound of your own life is never easy. I am on a early morning bent now and with the material future so up in the air, I usually wake up to the dawning dark of worry. It is the sort of worry that leads to the escapism of stupid acts. They are the sort of stifling worries that solve no problems nor create any value to the look or feel or taste of life. It is the kind that tells you that I have mixed things up and planted solitude where there should be fellowship. I forget “I am with you always, even until the end of time.”

The thing is that our mistakes loom larger than God. I would like to say it is some godly sorrow because we know we have gone astray but I suspect it is some ego driven inability to rely on the higher things and to stop digging our own holes of despair. We do not want to admit that this is a way too far and a sea too deep. And even before all that, we do not want to admit that we are called to a spiritual existence in a material world not to a material existence with spiritual help. As that writer so brilliantly put it “we are divine (spiritual) beings having a human experience not humans having a divine (spiritual) experience.”   I paraphrase, but you get the point. The entire material world up in our face and we can fail to see that it is only a figment of time. Nothing we chase down daily is of eternal relevance or reality.

We only have to look at the things He has asked us to do to realize what a divine joke it is outside of Him. It is so against our human nature that we mostly do what we can, get self righteous about our petty progress, treat the ones too hard as suggestions or just our plain ‘weakness’ and go on with life like we have no core. I imagine God, saints save me from blasphemy, writing out the Ten Commandments and giggling to Him-self: “let me see them try and do all this without me.”

That is our core. I sound like a broken record this week but the truth is set in holy stone: we depend on Him. How did that bald eagle put it: “for when I am weak then I am strong.” All of the Christian life is giving up the idea that you are okay with the crumbs of half and half and almost there. To finally say we are ready for the Full Bread and Full Wine of God. We are taking in His life. Remember those thirty three years of glory? A carpenter, a virgin, a manger, a star, three wise men, years of silence, baptism, temptation, ministry, prophecy fulfilled, conspiracy, arrest and death. Then, life forever. He tells us to: Go and do likewise. No material look at that life as a whole makes it attractive. When we give up the hold and worship of flesh perhaps we can begin to be illuminated about all the real sense this apparent madness makes. Perhaps, when we see Him we shall be seen whole and become that wholeness and holiness that our hearts know and long for but our present bodies cannot achieve. I know, on that path, we will become His forever man, woman, being, like Him, sons, daughters, Him.