Adavuruku,
“The
lightness of being yourself”
The most fascinating thing
for me about being where you are right now is how you get to completely
experience the lightness of being yourself. We are not conditioned like that
when we enter into the great faith. We are taught the opposite and told to act “as
if it were already true” in so many ways. I do not know why this has taken
root. The most spiritual of things has become a cover under which you can
seethe and suffer but never show weakness.
I remember once telling one
of our fellow fools that I was having recurring night terrors. His reply was
that it was a sign of spiritual maturity. And that is the whole problem right
there; the need to put up signposts for “growing” and measures for “glory”. The
brilliant metaphor about Church being a hospital of terminally ill patients
slowly getting well is forgotten and we have in its place a mental asylum where
the in-patients wear white coats and pretend to be the healers.
It is enough to see this in
my own soul. The pull of weakness reminds me every day that I prefer
consolation to completion, I prefer license to discipline and I prefer placebos
to real medicine. You no longer have this squabbles. It must be like an old and
healed up wound you see and remember the pain of the injury but it is all a
joke you can share now free of any sort of lingering terror of that moment.
To be complete must make
incompleteness seem like another country.
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