H,
“The
Problem with Self”
Well, of course the whole
reason God wants to give you a self is so you can learn to give it away again.
We often fail at this most crucial point. We think it is to finally crown our
efforts with acclaim or to finally confirm what has been missing in the world:
us. No. He is teaching us to be whole human beings like Christ, so our lives
can be whole sacrifices, like Christ.
We are here to learn how to
die.
There are so many signposts
and hallmarks of this great call but let me speak of the personal experience we
have both shared in different ways. We have both become fathers. There is
nothing that changes your perspective on what is important than becoming truly
responsible for another life. You see how ‘that’ does not matter so much as ‘this’
matters. There is a special haunting in the eyes of your child that pleads for selflessness
in your conduct of their affairs. You can ignore this pleading in their eyes
but it will make you a much colder human being to do so. Much like ignoring any
call to be vulnerable will deaden your own soul.
Yet, even this is not the
call to learn dying. It is an example, a slight spark that speaks of an
everlasting light but loving your own child is by no means the height of giving
over yourself.
This is the problem with
self, is it not? It is hard to distinguish big acts from little progress. If you
give one billion out of fifty four you seem like a giving person but if you
give fifty out of seventy you are a giving person. We are constantly told
that this is not the place to puff out your chest and rest on your own laurels.
But it will seem a hard fought battle to look yourself in the mirror with
respect and dignity and something to show for all the years of doubt and fear. Why
would God ask you to give it all away again?
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