H,
I understand that it
is hard to make a claim for certainty when you sort of live in the shadow of
God’s will. It is hard to explain to others why you turn left instead of right
or take the hard road sometimes instead of the common, easy one. Above all of
it you look like some sort of rebel when you are really just being obedient to
a higher calling. And on top of all that are the times you react to fear and
the great empty and you are not really fall of the path. You are like a man of
two sides: boldly proclaiming the glory of the lord on mountains then, like
peter, denying him in ordinary life. It is hard for anyone to believe you are
merely growing. It is hard for you to believe that yourself.
The whole world is
fixated on what you do before who you are matters. It is frequently obsessed as
to why a great so and so would stoop to do so and so when he had so much to
lose. Why did he not steal a little less? Or have only one mistress? Or be coyer
about his political leanings? The character of the person is relegated to a
footnote or accessory to his or her greatness or success. We know that will
never work with God. When He came to earth to show us how to live He was known
as the carpenter’s son and dismissed, then it was rabbi when He spoke and then
it was some pseudo-spiritual messiah when He healed and set free those in the
dark. They thought He had come to break the Roman Empire but He came to break
the human heart for reform and return.
God seeks who we are. God
reveals to us not what we will do but who we are. That is the part of His will
that will always count. The rest are details over time. There is nothing more
intense that living purposely for God’s will. There is nothing more testing and
trying and full of failure and reversals before the light stays. It is a
lifetime path because loving and living in God is an eternal affair. It is the
utmost calling because as that brilliant writer once said, who we are becoming
is who we will eternally be.
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