Mins,
“In
defence and evisceration of fantasy in love”
There is a certain amount of
truth in saying that the more you know a person the more the veneer of sainted
holiness fades into oblivion. Perhaps put another way, fantasy ends and reality
begins. Fantasy is only good enough for the story it delivers but not enough to
shape any life or any relationship. We are supposed to look smaller, narrower
and more human to each other. There is a long stretch of time between that
first flush of heady emotion to the final birth of everything love has to
offer. It is like a long walk and has in
it all the parts a long walk will bring; fear, resolution, hunger, doubt, love,
grace, fights, accusations, love, power, prayer and all that stuff brought about when the Life in God begins and
never before.
There is no accounting for
the trouble believing in fantasies can cause. Yet, we are shaped by the best of
these and so we should be. Going back to your original point, fantasy has its
uses. No one ever made progress by an accurate appraisal of their present
circumstances and a decision to be fully realistic. There has to be aspiration,
a certain vision of the person you can be. Fantasy is about aspiration. It is
limited because it is all in your head and your heart but it is not less
important. In a very God sense we have to dream to be. We have to see what He
sees to truly become who we are. To any modern mind this dream would be called
a fantasy. We happen to believe and know and have experienced it as one that
comes alive after it has gone from seed to fruit bearing tree.
And isn’t loving another
human being the greatest fantasy there is? To see not only their bright spots
and God leanings (hopefully) but also their very lonely and their very sad. It is
easier to look away than to look into any human soul. It is a little trick of
the mind called faith that allows us to see beyond the faults and foibles of
our own un-sacred humanity. Love as fantasy might be a placebo or painkiller
for a while. But love as fantasy can only take you so far. Love as reality, as
choice and compulsion, as waking and dreaming, as acts and postures, as
feelings and, finally, as resolution will take you home.
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