From
Psalm 139:1-12
H,
It is
the ultimate problem with grace and love. We are taught to earn things. We are
told the system is value based. If we grant that there is a grund norm of all
life then we begin to think in terms of how that vastness relates to us. If we
take that a step further and give it an individual shape and form, say Christianity,
then we read in the book of books that this is what He is like and these are
the things we must do. From that point on we are on a steady road of guilt and
redemption that must be a nightmare for any psychotherapist.
Of course,
it is not as hard as all that. It should not be. It is a controversial argument
to make in whatever form but our job, as He told us on that great visit, is to
stay in Him. The things we hope to do for God and the person we want to be in
God is merely a fruit of our relationship with Him. We come at it the wrong way
because we think of Him in figures of speech. Metaphor, simile, analogy and all
that humdrum I never mastered are good for descriptive purposes but they are no
substitute for the experience of life. They all break down at some point
because one person cannot fully describe to another what it is like to be in
God. All our attempts to do that only lead to terrible sermons. We must live in
it to know it.
Another
worthy note, in this vein, is how the cup really does not fill you up. You do
not become less hungry by giving up to God. You become more. You become more
aware of your hunger. It is little wonder a rejection of “when we first believed”
can manifest itself in a ruthless hedonism immediately after. The soul grows a bigger
appetite to increase our capacity to be filled. Of course, it does not feel
that way. It feels like we have gotten worse or more sinful. The truth is that
we are just alive again and with the large appetite of the recently awakened.
The crucial
thing to know is that God is in there with you. He is in all your efforts to
get lost in things and out on the other end when you want to be found
again. This is an eternal enterprise for
your soul. It will take time only He has. When you fall in a ditch, as I frequently
do, He is the other voice telling you all this is not fatal. The only fatal
thing is to give in to the idea that the dark is your home. Nothing could be
further from the truth. We are like that prodigal son who recovers while eating
on his knees with ….well; you know who he was eating with: porkies. Our moment
of Zen, epiphany, conversion or re-conversion, after-guilt or wise moment just
occurs every day. We must be rest assured we cannot get away from the father
who waits with open arms for that daily return to love.
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