H,
There is no rush to be well.
We want to be better quickly and that is probably commendable but it is not
what will happen. There has been a lot of water under the bridge between when
we first saw the glory and when we realised the extent of the discipline it
takes to walk in it. It is even more nuanced because trying does not help. Trying
gets us good at failing and then covering up. Trying is the reason why all the Christianity
around us seems shallow and pretentious and all the things we say we are inside
ourselves keep crying out against all the things we actually do.
Our conscience in God is not
really saying what we think it is saying. It is not saying: “stop, stop you
cannot be doing this”, rather it is saying:
-stop. You have to be honest
about these things. First, to me. You have to tell me even though I already
know because it will save you from the great pretence of thinking no one can
see you if you hide it all well enough.
Well, something like that at
any rate.
We can be honest with
ourselves today. There are moments and milestones of our darkest parts that we
keep hidden. Memories we cannot help but flinch at. Things we have done to hurt
others that we do not own up to even to ourselves and in our prayers to God.
These are the places we need
to visit in all honesty. This is the start of any true awakening.
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