H,
There is an almost full
devotion to faith that is an answer to everything. The reverse of this is the
great disconnect we feel because we do not get what we want even though we may
already have what we need.
It is like this: when we
believe that a lover will make us more complete we might go all “Christian” on
it and pray, attend mixers, listen to sermons all the while believing a lover
is around the corner. Four unfulfilled situations later we give up the ghost
and spirit because it has not come through. This sense of inertia sets in and
we feel we have been left behind by the loving, happy world. Now, this can
apply to almost any pursuit. The quest for a certain end is not legitimized by
putting a Christian flavour in the mix. Yet, the hurt feelings are real and the
discouragement is almost crippling. We have not reached our expected end.
I am tempted to say, the
other way to look at this is…but I will not. It is enough that we feel out of
sync with the things that matter to us. It is enough that we are struggling
with overt and covert issues that need answers and not heckling. There is nothing
to be ashamed about when we feel less than ourselves and when we cannot connect
with anything real within or without.
In the light, the darkness
surrounds. This does not mean that all our problems come from being so good the
bad comes to find us for fun or sport. It means that any direction into the
light reveals how gross the darkness is. This existential angst may just be the
call from that other country.
We bear on our bodies the
marks of truth personified. We are not perfect but we will get there in time
and space. Eternity beckons. If we are detached from earth it is because of
that and probably nothing else. If we feel empty and estranged it is the weight
of that truth bearing down on us and everything else. We want more than the
casual journey through a material earth. Being empty and feeling estranged are
just the marks of a higher reality bearing down on us.
There is still the filling
up and the connection to come.
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