so empty, so estranged

H,

Prayer is one of those conundrums that must be simplified. It is not a puzzle. It is a path. It has been cleared of all obstacles. It is a small trip from the point of us to the point of God and we are there once we take the first step. We rarely take the first step though.

Why?

Well, we have been told folk tales about being worthy. We are supposed to have done most of the work before we open our mouth to address the unfathomable depths of love we call God. This is silly. If we could sort it all out then we would be God.

Why?

Once we asked for something and we did not get it. It was so desperately needed and it could have saved a life. This is a hard one. It cannot be easily dismissed and there is so much pain just underneath the surface. The thing I would say is the answer does not always match the request. We live in finite time while looking up to infinite deity. We do not know what His answers may be. It is possible our answer was not for the question we asked of Him but for something deeper, further along, more primal than our mouths could utter and more everlasting than the pain of the moment would allow us see.

Why?

There is this disconnect. We feel like we are talking to air. Unless we deal in ritual, the simple act of prayer means nothing. How we can we simply talk to the utter being? How do we think we can approach holiness without the jump and the scream and the hours and the pain? Well, because we were once told we pray amiss. Then we were told how to pray. It was simple. It was short. It was general but not cold or detached. It reminded us that we pray for Kingdom come and faith means believing the omniscient knows more. It told us to ask for the daily nutrition to live right. We live in the day to day and not the big picture. The big picture is merely the collection of days. This was not a blueprint for how we must always pray but a guide on how simple and deep and effective prayer can be.

Then, we have the Holy Spirit. Much misunderstood but perhaps too simply here defined as the urging of God within us all to keep walking the narrow way. We pray in the Holy Spirit most effectively. Groaning that comes deep from our own soul and spirit. Things we cannot dare say. Without words, without form, reaching past all the things we think we need into the infinite itself. It is not the garble of unknown words but a heart set to look up. Your words may say one thing but the Spirit is what is read. It knows that beyond the job you are asking for it is security and worth you seek. It sees beyond the person you desire to the hunger for companionship and love that pushed you to your knees. I should not say “it” but it is neither male nor female. It is they. They see that all your anger is unresolved because you feel misunderstood, put down, unappreciated and unfulfilled. They resolve all these things in prayer.

Yet, always remember. You do not get the answer you want but the one you need.